Kate Stowell

The boys are at church with my mom and I am about to head off to the gym, but before I go:

http://www.dkmsamericas.org/

Think about saving a life! Every 10 minutes someone dies from a blood cancer. By joining the bone marrow registry you could be someone’s hero- all it takes is a cheek swab.

Ethan is such a big boy now…I still can’t believe how much he’s changed in two years…his “Happy to you!” (Ethan’s way of saying happy birthday- for some reason he always passes right on over the birthday part) is next Saturday and now he is walking/running/climbing, speaking in full sentences, knows his colors, and can count to two.

Ethan has TONS of energey even when he wakes up at 5:30 am, and as you can guess mommy does not have nearly as much now that she is hypothyroid :). He’s  a very intense, bright, emotional and VERY two year old little boy so rather than sit around the house all day where he gets bored and is constantly told “no” we took him on an adventure to the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History. We took the metro in and he thought this was great since he loves to see “choo-choos”. His first mini sentence was “bye-bye choo choo!” one day when he and Todd picked me up from work.

The new ocean exhibit was a hit as was the insect zoo, even though a couple of the really big bugs scared him. He also highly enjoyed people watching the cafe :). However he still is not ready for all day touring. We left right after his nap in the afternoon and by the time we headed back to the metro at 6pm he slept all the way home! He didn’t even wake up getting on and off the train. Oh well. I think once both boys are able to go all day without napping then we will ready for intensive vacations. Until then it will just be visiting family with short morning and afternoon excursions.

Mommy had fun peeking at the Hope Diamond. Every time we go I like to wander through the Gems and Mineral exhibit. They’re actually going to reset it this fall and you can vote on the new design:

http://www.smithsonianchannel.com/site/smithsonian/hope.do

I personally like the middle one. Although I’m not really sure how you can go wrong with a beautiful blue diamond.

I’m not so much upset about it anymore, but I am still trying to come to grips with the fact that now for the rest of my life I need to take medications. EVERY day. The only thing in my life I’ve ever regularly taken before was vitamins!

It is also is hard to accept all the scans and bloodwork I will need. With the lymphoma there is no blood test or scan other than a CT scan, and that you can’t do yearly for obvious reasons.  All you have to go on are symptoms. In some ways it is maddening….”Does that twinge mean I have a metastasizing cancer recurring?”, but in other ways it is comforting because there is no agonizing over waiting for results. I tend to be a basket case about what-ifs, so it will be hard for me to patiently wait to find out if my thyroid cancer is coming back.

Short term and long term!

Short term plans- when my father comes out next month I think we’re going to rent a rototiller and put in blueberry bushes by the fence. Our property already had a fence on two sides but we live in a busy area and with one fast toddler and a toddler in training we felt it was time to step it up. It looks so ugly right now with just dirt where the old privacy hedges were, but I think with the blueberry bushes on the inside and some plants/flowers on the outside it will be quite an improvement. My goal is to eventually have an “urban garden”, or at least more than our three tomato plants and herbs. Although we have a 1/4 acre lot which is pretty big for the DC metro area we also have huge trees that shade most of it so full sun garden beds are a premium.

I did make the first step in my fitness goals by joining a gym today. I visited four and picked the nicest one that was the closest- it’s less than a mile from my house. Half the battle for me is just getting there. I really hate traffic and it would kill me to drive more than 10 minutes to work out. I just don’t have that kind of time!

Long term- Developing a second cancer has put a crinkle in my employment plans. I had planned to end my active duty service next summer and work part time contract so I would have  more time with the boys. However with the follow-up and medications I will need for the rest of my life now that my thyroid is gone plus the risk of developing even more cancers I’m seriously rethinking that plan. I’m leaning towards making a career. If that doesn’t work out I am going to try federal service as a civilian. We shall see.

On the cancer front tomorrow I am going back to have my blood drawn and check my calcium and parathyroid hormone levels. I would love to be able to stop taking horse pill sized calcium supplements twice a day.

I love living in the Washington DC area but I don’t love the hot, sticky summers. I think today is the first time it’s started out in the 60′s. It was actually nice enough that Ethan, my mom, Shadow (my mom’s lab mix) and I all ate breakfast on the porch before taking the kids to daycare. I was finally able to go for a walk outside too.

Which brings me to my next point….getting back into shape! All through high school and college I was a competitive swimmer and probably worked out two plus hours every day, but since 2006 I have been working full time and popped out two kids, with Daniel being born Apr 11 and weighing almost 10 pounds. I’ve always been normal weight, but with both pregnancies I gained 50 lbs. Luckily with breast feeding I’m down to 15 lbs above my normal weight, but since I’ve had to wean and am now in a hypothyroid state I’m pretty sure that weight loss is going to stop.

Today I’m going to head over to a Gold’s Gym and check out pricing. My other goal to help my weight loss and fitness keep on track is to do the Army 10 Miler next fall. Just have to start with one foot in front of the other…

I got some great news today- according to the final pathology my cancer is papillary and completely confined to the thyroid in a capsule- no lymph node involvement! Now I am just awaiting RAI. I was hoping to do it 6 weeks after treatment, but it will probably be pushed back to 3 months after treatment because I had a CT scan July 31st when they were trying to diagnose me. The iodine used in the CT dye will compete with the RAI therefore making it less effective. I am a little bit disappointed because I just want to get on with my life already!

The hardest thing about this year even before I got cancer has been not feeling like I am able to give 100% as a mommy. From March until I delivered Daniel I was too huge, tired, and pregnant to take care of Ethan all on my own. I couldn’t pick him up on my own anymore and that is hard to explain to an 18 month old. Then in June I had my umbilical hernia from the pregnancy repaired and that was another 6 weeks of being unable to life more than 10 lbs.  Recovering from surgery is NOT easy with a nursing newborn and a toddler. Of course the final straw is the thyroid cancer/thyroidectomy. I had to wean Daniel which was traumatic, and I am once again unable to pick up Ethan.  However I am trying to look on the positive side because at least I am *here* to be their mommy.  They motivate me to do everything in my power to stay healthy and active.

I am also slowly coming to grips with the uncertainty of the time I have left. With any luck this will be my last major complication from cancer. I know enough not to ask “why me?”, because the answer is really “why not me?”.  No one is given a guarantee of an easy trouble free life but it still feels grossly unfair that I have to go through this AGAIN. After 12 years I was starting to be lulled into the thought that that awful chapter of my life was really over for good. I am at much higher risk for even more cancers than the ordinary person. It’s hard for me to turn the thought process off in my head of agonizing over every worst case scenario, but it’s something I have to do.  If I cry every day over what might happen and then it does, I will have wasted what precious little time I had left being bitter. However there is also the possibility that it really might turn out ok, in which case being fearful and miserable for the next 45 -55 years would be pointless!

I had my worst night day day before surgery. At that point I didn’t know if I also had an adrenal cancer. I have never felt so sad, frightened, and alone in my life. I cried and cried because I was also told if I had concurrent adrenal cancer than there was a good chance I had a rare syndrome that would cause multiple cancers and would most likely be passed on to my kids. That thought hurt even more. I ended up telling the doctors before surgery not to tell me until it was over because I couldn’t deal with the thought of going into a 5 hour delicate surgery thinking I might die. I cried afterwards when they told me it was benign. With the help of my family and friends I am slowly beginning to see the sun on the other side of the clouds again. I am now a two time cancer survivor and an even stronger person. This is not easy but it is my life, and I will get through it the best I can.

Tomorrow it is back to ENT to have them take off the steristrips, get the pathology results,  and start talking with endocrinology about when my radioactive iodine ablation will be. I logically know they will most likely only have good things to tell me but I am still nervous anyway.

Today my mom and I took Daniel to the doctor for pink eye. He’s had a cough for about a month and yesterday his eye started to produce puss. I’m a nurse and I know better but it looked so terrible I figured putting the erythromicin eye ointment in couldn’t hurt. It seems to be working because it looked much better today and the pediatricians agreed. We are definitely getting our monies worth out of military medicine this year!

Currently I am reading two books right now, one from my friend Chae Certain Things Last which is a collection of short stories and a book The 19th Wife. Both are great, maybe I will review them later. You know, with all that spare time I have ;).

Ethan is with my mom at church and Daniel is with Todd doing some errands so I can rest. I am just so thankful I have such a supportive family…I can not imagine how people get through this alone.  Right now I am working hard on being positive and making the most of the time I have with my family. With any luck this will be the last of my health scares.

Day two of being home from surgery. I’m feeling pretty good and everything went about as well as could be expected. The ENT surgeon said that just like the CT scan showed there was no metastasis to the lymph nodes and the cancer was confined to the thyroid. I won’t know anything more until the pathology report is back yet, but he told me as far as he was concerned it looked like a run of the mill papillary cancer. I guess if you have crappy enough luck to get cancer twice you should luck out and get a “good” cancer? Still pretty scared about the future, but things are starting to look more positive again.

Kate has completed surgery and everything went very smoothly. The doctors were very pleased that she tolerated it well and that the cancer did not seem to spread. More soon.